


Knots

by RaeNic18



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, F/M, Language, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:21:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28463754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeNic18/pseuds/RaeNic18
Summary: This is what happens when the reader does something to upset Kenma.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	1. Part 1

Walking down the hall you stop at the game room. Your gaze peers inside to see Kenma who is playing video games, silently. Something is eating away at his mind but he wont tell you what it is. You end up walking into the room and come to stand next to him as he sits in his gaming chair. Lightly you rest your hand on his shoulder. But to your dismay he shrugs away from you. Your hand slips off his shoulder as a frown crosses your lips.

“Kenma..” you whisper softly, but there is nothing in response.

You can feel your stomach twisting and forming tight knots. It makes you feel sick. Normally when something is bothering him he comes to you. Granted he doesn’t tell you right away. But, he comes to you and clings to you. Seeking comfort within physical touch. But not this time.

This means one thing. He’s upset because of you. Just the the thought makes you feel like you’re going to throw up. What did you do? Have you done something different in your guys’ routine? The thoughts swirl around in your brain as you stumble back a bit and give Kenma one last glance. Only to look down and leave the room in silence.

You make your way to your bedroom and slip into your pjs. You assume that Kenma will probably fall asleep playing video games and stay there all night. Like he has been for a couple days now.

As you lay in bed, you move to his side of the bed and sigh out. The moment you closed your eyes, it comes back to you. Your eyes shoot open as you replay what happened a couple nights ago.

What happened was, you snuck in during one of Kenma’s live Let’s Play streams and you kissed his cheek. He’s told you before that he wants to be left alone during his streams. He absolutely _hates_ getting interrupted. You knew this. But you got a bug up your butt to completely ignore his one request. Leaving you to-1) interrupt his stream, and 2) doing the one thing he asked you not to do.

You thought, at the time, would be a fun thing to do to Kenma. But it turns out he was actually super serious about his request. And you did it anyway.

After realizing what you did, you curl up into a ball on the bed. What the hell happened? Why did you do it when you know he doesn’t want you to? Doesn’t want _anyone_ to. Were you just bored? You honestly didn’t even remember his request at the time when you just wanted to kiss his cheek. You wanted to see what he would do. Plus who doesn’t want to kiss their boyfriend’s cheek and show off how much you love them?

But, now here you are. Laying in bed. Alone. Because you did what you agreed you wouldn’t do. Tears start to blur your vision, making you close your eyes. Hot wet drops roll down your face as you’re replaying the instance over and over again in your head. You want to scream at yourself and punch something because you were so stupid. And even more stupid for realizing this only now.

You end up falling asleep while crying. Not even remembering when you stopped crying enough to fall sleep. When you wake up your eyes feel heavy and they’re a bit stingy from all the crying you did before. Your head also is throbbing like crazy.

Once you’re able to open your eyes you look over and of course the bed is empty beside you. You sigh softly and get up. Your feet take you to grab your robe so you can wrap it around your body.

Wanting to at least apologize for what you’ve done, now that you remember what happened, you walk down the hall to the game room. But to your surprise Kenma isn’t in his chair.

Furrowing your brows you wonder if he actually already got up. Slowly and lightly your feet take you to the kitchen. You look around but he isn’t there either. Well how can you attempt to apologize if Kenma isn’t anywhere to be seen?

The familiar knot of anxiety and utter hatred for yourself got tighter in your stomach. You try to ignore it as you move over to the desk. Your hands find a piece of paper and a sharpie, and you begin to write.

_“I’m sorry, Kenma. I shouldn’t have interrupted your Live Stream. I hate myself for doing the one thing you asked me not to do. I’m so stupid. I’m sorry… love, y/n”_

You read over the words you wrote about four times in your head. Knowing it wasn’t the best way to apologize, you do it anyway since he isn’t around. Soon you head back to Kenma’s game room but before you turn to walk in, you see a pair of feet in front of you as your eyes were looking down. You freeze. Your heart thudded and you felt those hot tears welling up in your eyes again.

Slowly you bring your head up and you see Kenma is staring at you. His face emotionless like it normally was. He could see how heavy your eyes looked and he knew you were about to start crying again.

“What’s that..?” He asks as he looks down at the paper in your hands.

You cant help but feel a flutter in your heart. He hasn’t really spoken to you since kissed his cheek on his live stream. To hear his voice again was like life reanimated inside you. But realizing what he asked you blush and look away. Sadness clouds your mind and body.

“I..I wanted to apologize..” you speak in a tone just barely higher than a whisper. “I didn’t know where you were so I wrote something. It’s stupid really.” You babble as you go to crumble up the paper in your hands.

“Let me see it.” His voice serious, as he held his hand out. When you didn’t move he saw that as an opportunity to take the paper himself. His eyes scan the words you wrote down.

You cant help but gasp when he takes the paper. Feeling like you need to say it out loud before he reads the words. “I..I’m sorry! I’m and idiot and I shouldn’t of done what I did. I-” you cry out as you try to mend what happened “I wont do it again..” you whisper before you turn on your heel and go to walk away. You feel like you’re going to break down again. The fact that he is talking to you is amazing, but you know that he’s still upset, you can see it on his face.

“You mean it? Because I really hate when my streams are interrupted. Especially from my own girlfriend. Someone I trust.” His words hit you like a cement brick.

You turn back around and look at him. Silent tears roll down your face as you nod. “I promise.” You whisper. “I hate how it feels when you don’t talk to me or I can’t even touch your shoulder. I never want to feel like this again. And I don’t want you to feel like this again either.” Your eyes drop to the floor as your words trail off.

Kenma stands there a moment, not saying a word. You think that he is just going to walk away, but he speaks, “Then we’re even. I don’t want to feel like this towards you again either.” His voice monotone. But you know somehow in this monotone he means it.

“Okay.” You nod to him and try to gravel at all the interaction you could. You didn’t really know what else to say. You wanted to apologize more. You wanted to hug him so tight, it hurt. But you knew you couldn’t do that just yet, he was still upset. 

“Um…I’m…going to make breakfast..do you want some pancakes..?” You asks shyly as your eyes connect with his one last time.

Kenma nods. “Yeah. I’m going to eat in here though.” He points to his game room but his eyes stay on you.

Your heart sinks a bit, but at least he’s really talking to you now and acknowledging you. “Yeah. I understand.” You whisper in a broken tone before making your way to the kitchen.

You were relieved that there was communication between you two, but you didn’t know how long this would last. You weren’t sure how long he would stay in his game room. How long it could be until he would even hug you again. But you will do everything in your power to make it up to Kenma. Starting with pancakes.


	2. Part 2

Kenma is a pretty laid back person. Nothing really phases him. That is, until you do something that he really hates. And you did that something. Granted you only did it once, you still broke his trust with you. His expectations of what a trusting girlfriend and boyfriend dynamic was torn. You decided to mess with him one day and interrupt his live stream. Even though you had promised previously that you would never do such a thing. You know how important that is to Kenma. He thrives on focus and when it’s interrupted that’s what sets Kenma off. 

But Kenma doesn’t go off in ways of yelling or physical aggression. No. He isolates and stops talking. Even though he doesn’t talk much to begin with, he talks to you a lot. So when you got punished for what you did, by him not talking to you and being close to you, it really caused you to be upset with yourself.

After apologizing to him though, a couple days after what you did, things slowly went back to normal. Kenma started making small conversation with you. Much like when the two of you started dating. Then a couple days later it progressed to where he would stand close to you, while your conversations got longer. Your words more enthusiastic and meaningful to each other. 

Now the two of you are sitting on the couch in your living room. A random tv show on, filling the silence between you two. Deep down you can’t help but wonder how he’s feeling about everything. Your mind was going one hundred miles an hour as you sat there quietly. But soon you decide to take a deep breath and ask right out how he feels right now. You hoped things could go back to normal soon.

“How are you feeling…about…what I did..?” you ask curiously as you slowly look down at your hands and play with your fingers. “I still feel really bad that I did it. That I broke the one promise I made you..” you mutter out and sigh softly. You hate feeling this way and you hoped he could forgive you just this once.

Kenma takes a minute to listen to your words and thinks a moment. After blinking while looking at you, he replies, “I- I just- It really upset me, y/n…” he mutters out as it seemed hard for him to say out loud. He never wants to be upset with you or have you do something to upset him. “I don’t want you to do it again.” his tone honest. “I don’t want you to promise me you wont, either.” he adds. Your heart sinks a bit from that sentence. He didn’t want you to make a promise you could break again. “But I don’t want to be upset with you anymore either, it’s exhausting.” His voice literally sounding tired as he speaks. 

Blinking a couple times, you can see where he’s coming from. If you promise something to him again, what happens if you break that promise a second time? You sigh a bit with relief though. Hearing the last sentence that left his lips, you know now that you two can go back to normal. 

“Okay.” you nod to him as you look up into his golden eyes. They did look tired. You felt bad that he slept in his game room for practically a week straight. Not getting the best sleep like he would in the bed. 

There was an unspoken agreement between the two of you that you wouldn’t promise not to do it again, but in your mind you vowed you wouldn’t. You wanted to continue saying _‘I’m sorry’._ But you knew that wasn’t a good idea as he would just tell you to stop. So you do the next best thing. You slowly and hesitantly reach over to take his hand in yours. When he didn’t immediately pull away your heart flutters and you smile lightly. Soon your fingers lace together with Kenma’s and you rest your head on his shoulder. 

The two of you sit like this for a couple minutes. Kenma’s voice breaks the silence though, “Hey, I’m going to go take a nap.” Kenma speaks up as he goes to move out from under you. His body stretches a little as he stands up.

The familiar feeling of knots twisting in your stomach come back as he slips from you. You think that he’s just going to walk off like he has the whole week previously. But as you look up at him he reaches his hand out for you. “Come on. I got cold by myself.” he mutters to you and gives you the slightest smile.

You almost want to cry with the gesture of him asking to cuddle so subtly. But you keep yourself composed and you nod quickly. Excitement spreads to your face though as you smile big and you stand up, taking his hand. 

The two of you make it to your guys’ room. Your feet take you to the bed and you pull the covers back, moving to lay down under the covers. Kenma sees you and shakes his head, “No. Naked. It’s warmer.” his tone serious. 

You feel your cheeks get hot and you quickly comply. Taking off your clothes in a rush and hopping into bed. Your eyes watch Kenma as he undresses nonchalantly before getting into bed with you. It feels like the first time all over again. Feeling his skin against yours after what felt like forever without just a touch of his hand in yours. 

Now the two of you are all cuddled up together. Your face nuzzled in Kenma’s neck as he has his arms wrapped tightly around you. You can’t help but take in the alluring scent of the hair product that he uses. His hair tickling your face a bit but you don’t care right now. And the way your legs were tangled together, the two of you aren’t going anywhere for a good while. 

With the both of you laying there with your eyes closed, you whisper against his skin, “I love you, Kenma.” 

A soft whisper is replied back to you, “I love you too, y/n.” And not too long after that, Kenma falls asleep. Continuing to hold you close. The warmth of your bodies intoxicating and making you sleepy too. You soon give in and fall asleep, happy the two of you were okay again.


End file.
